Scared

Today I am very scared of what may come.  I tend to agree with few no news is good news.  Then I think today this techs and imaging places just do their job and when dr gets report he gets it.  They have one on hand but the just check pictures and see if further pictures are needed.  He or she is not going to tell me if there is a problem or not.  Since the test I have not felt good but guessing its just all the worry.  I find myself trying to find a lump or something.  The mind plays serious tricks on you if you let it.  I keep thinking wow that pain i felt under my arm and in my back was that a sign I missed. Then you begin to think of all aches and pains and drive yourself crazy.

I am trying so hard to just go on with life and act like all is ok.  Its very hard to do but I must for my school work can't suffer.  More importantly I have to mantain normal routine for my daughter.  My facebook friends as well as my friends have been great with their support and prayers.  I have not told any family for I figured just wait no need to make them worry.  The man in my life well what can I say he is a man, they do the best they can.  He was great the other day now its back to focusing on work etc.  I know he has to focus on work and wouldn't want anything different but sure right I wish I could just be his main focus 24/7.   He is checking in when he can to see if I am ok or heard anything or need anything. 

I have so many things\projects I was working on and thought screw it not bothering.  I can't do that they are to important to me and others.  I have to pull it together and do my best.  For in the end I can't control what the results will be all I can do is deal with it if or when the time comes.