Thoughts 11/1/10

I have come to realize over this past weekend that for me there will be no man or love again.  I will never fall in love, have butterflies in my stomach, daydreaming about a guy, waiting for him to call, text,etc.  


I guess I had my two loves and lost them both. One God took to be with him and the other well I never had a chance from the start. I will always love both men and they always have a special place in my heart.  


I guess now my life is just being mommy, don't get me wrong that is awesome but would of loved to have that special guy too.  My daughter always has been and always will be my life.  I just sit and think wow in a few more years she will be out dating etc and have no time for her mommy and than I truly will be all alone. I feel alone and lonely now even though she  does keep me on my toes and don't have to much time to think about it.


I am not a terrible person, I am good, sweet, loving and caring person.  I try to be true to my religious values.  Sure I screw up now and again. I just wanted someone to enjoy life with as well have fun with me and my daughter.  A man who would be good to us and keep us safe.  


My daughter is so sweet she tries to make me feel better. She should only know that love is not as easy as she thinks. :-)  Or that people don't just break up as easily as she thinks or would like.  I just hope that she doesn't look at love in a bad way.  I wanted to her see the good side not bad side.  I want her having a positive view.