THOUGHTS

I have spent the last few days really thinking about life etc. Hearing about my friend having a stroke really scared me and woke me up.  Now I see my primary care dr every 4 months due to my high blood pressure and its seems to be back in control.  You just never know what can happen.  I don't know the full details of my friend's health etc. 
I do put a lot of time and effort into drs and tests, why well because I want to be sure I am around for my daughter.  In the last 3 months I have not really lived my life, I have began to recently but prior no.  I was allowing an event in my life to take over my whole life for the months of January and February. We go through life meeting so many different people, some become our friends some become the love of our life.  We also lose some of those friends along the way, either they move away or you have a fight etc. As for the love of our lives some are lucky to have one for the rest of their lives but many of us go through a few of them.  I've had 3, yes one at the age of 18 I was so sure I was marrying him, well that ended and was totally heartbroken.  Then I date soon met second love my life, he I did marry and was very happy.  We were together 7 1/2 years only married 1 1/2 years when he suddenly died.  My whole world was crushed.  I thought I could never go on forget falling in love again.  May of last year I feel in love again with an amazing man sadly that ended and heartbroken for the 3rd time.  Sure from the time of my husband's death till May of last year I was in relationship with my daughter's father.  That sadly was a relationship based on two people who met when they were both vulnerable. He too had lost his wife same time I lost my husband.  He loved me and me well I was lonely and tried to love him but just never happened.  I love and care about him as my daughter's father nothing more. 
So today with the last heartbreak it came out of no where and still don't have all the answers.  I know in my heart I love and care about him deeply.  So much so that I had to let him and it go, for carrying it around would only destroy me and not let me open my heart to another.  I have tried but I guess just wasn't ready.   I know that I just need to focus on taking care of me and my daughter.  I need to get us to a better place, a happier place then possible be ready to find love again.  My friends say one bad thing about me is I don't hold a grudge, I stay friends with my exes.  Most of them were friends before my boyfriends so why lose the friendship.  Granted I am not friends with ALL my exes there is one or two from years ago if I saw them might still punch them. 
I am happy that my life is finally falling into place.  Doctors are have really got to the bottom of things and starting to feel so much better.  I needed that so did my daughter.  She is so worried something is going to happen to me that its effecting her in school etc.   So I am on a mission to put her mind at ease and have fun.  I have decided to go back to school so I can get a better job to take care of us.  I am actually going to try and take up two different options so I have more to work with but not sure I can juggle it all but will see.
I am to be alive again and feeling better plus putting my life in order.  I have more to do but I am getting there. Some people had doubts about me doing it so they bailed on me.  That is ok with me for I know that I was doing all I could to get things worked out and instead of talking to me about it they turned their backs.  Again no anger or dislike, they did what the felt was right. 
I have put my faith, trust and love in God and believe he is helping me to get through this.  He doesn't bring you something that you can't get through with Him by your side. Plus the love and support of family and friends. I love you all dearly.
The man that I was deeply in love with, will always have a special place in my heart.  We have been friends for a very long time, he always had a special place this time its just a little bigger.  I have no regrets and wouldn't change a thing...well maybe a few things :-D 

Asking for Prayers

I am reaching out asking for prayers for a dear friend of mine. Marie is 42 and had a stroke.  She is a loving mother, wife, daughter, sister and friend.  Marie is so full of life, she is bubble, funny, sweet, caring and has a huge heart.  She will help you in every way she can.  She has such a great personality and a wonderful laugh. 
At times like this you realize how precious life really is. I think gosh I am tired of doctors and tests but in the end I know its help me life a longer life.  I realized that I carry to much anger with me and need to really let it go.  I need to just forgive and forget or at best try to forget.   No matter what life throws out you find a way to get through it.
I love Marie and hope she make a full recovery. She is a fighter and very strong so I know she will be fighting very hard. I thank you all for praying for her. 

SECOND DAY TO A NEW LIFE

Well I have feeling a little under the weather today and my daughter's father is really looking to get dragged into court. He has seen and be a vicitim of the wrath of Donna why would he ever want to push me to that point.  It takes a lot to push me to that point like not sending me money, cheating on me, lying to me, things like that. 
Today is a beautiful sunny day, Alexis has a half a day today and tomorrow for its report card time again.  I don't get Alexis' until tomorrow afternoon.  I was planning on taking her to the park but weathermen calling for rain this afternoon and tomorrow.  BLAH ..then its going to get cold..WHAT ITS SPRING!! Unfortunately with March you never know what the weather will be like one day to the next. 
Lately I am feeling the need to find a job that lets me help people.  What kind of job not sure.  Something that gives me the chance to be the voice for them. I may look into working for city councilman or something.  I want to research candidates that will be running and blog about it just not here but where many can see.  I feel that we need to start learning more about the candidates.  We've had to many that wind up being crooks or ones who are out having affairs and for some wind up conceiving a child.  I know that no one is perfect but if your marriage is bad get out.  Doesn't mean you can't do your job.  why do we look at things that people can't run if they are not married or divorced.  Why that will make them a better Senator or President..PLEEEEEASE.  I don't care just to your job and do it well.  I understand people see it as that is the American way...happy couple married with children.  Well HELLO not that way now, lots of single parents, same sex parents etc. So why discriminate a person if they are not married, as long as they do the job and do it right who cares.  Hey I think if they are not married may the will do the job better.  :-D No one to be there nagging them, pressuring them, fighting with them. LOL No but seriously we need more people to get involved.
Gosh I totally went off the subject of me and my new life.  LOL  I am in very good spirits.  I have gotten through so many medical tests and appointments, just a few more then I am done.  WOO HOO.  Would of been done but dr just wants to check a few other things.  I will be so happy when its all over and can live a life without running to drs appts or tests.  With me looking for a job I am going to start writing a book about me life.  I am going to talk about my life growing up, becoming a widow at 30 and about all the people that burned me along the way.  And not to get sued I will be backing up what I say with emails etc this way no one can say they didn't say it. Glad I am the type that saves things for I think oh I may want to read that again someday or never know i may need that someday! I feel it will be good therapy for me sure may hurt some along the way, but no what tough, they hurt me. Sure two wrongs don't make a right but sometimes it does. 

A NEW DAY AND NEW LIFE

Today is a new day and life for me.  I am no longer going to let my daughter's father, my exs, or girlfriends of people I know continue to bring me down.  The girls if you like taking smack about me and having me  be the main focus in your life go ahead.  That just means you have nothing better to do. As for my exs, please you can't say you don't care or love me anymore when my name keeps coiming out of your mouths or for one you keep emailing me. REALLY!!! As for my daughter's father well not sure what to say about him.  I know that he will no longer continue to upset me or run my life.  Its my life, leave me the heck alone.  I can do what I want I am an adult.  I do nothing nor ever would do anything that would put my daughter and risk.  Hello I am the one that has been raising her for the last 8 years.  Where have you been, working and working and still don't always come through financially.  So PLEEEAASE!!!
There is one person that if she continues to talk about me online and search about me she will be hearing from my lawyers.  You don't know me and so stop judging and last I checked you have no right to judge anyone. 
May 6th was supposed to be the day of my big reveal it has been postponed for a few days due to some personal reasons.  But come May 6th there will may be lots of reveals depending on how people behave. 
I am taking my life back and starting a fresh new one, just me and my daughter.  Want to be my friend ok but don't stab me in the back for I will come out fighting.  I am no longer going to take peoples bs laying down. You come at me I am coming right back.  Oh and God help you if you attack my daughter in anyway.  For you will see a mother's rage like none you have ever seen.  If you have nothing better else to do then go find a job or a hobby.  I am working my butt off to take care of my daughter but lately had to take time off to deal with immature bs when I have more important things to be worrying about. Grow up already!  Said it before and will again....PEOPLE IN GLASS HOUSES SHOULDN'T THROW STONES!!

MEN

I don't know where I find these men, really!!! My first husband was so great and treated me like gold.  All the ones after him, gosh they are just jerks.  They are all about themselves, liars and cheaters.  My daughter's father he really believes that he is IT!! Its his world and his way, do as he says.  He expects everyone to wait until he is ready to deal with it.  REALLY!!!!  Him and I just had an hour fight and I got no where.  It still came down to he was doing it his way no matter how it affects his daughter.  I really wish i was more financially stable so I can tell him to kiss off.  Then of course in the last few years got involved with two other men and sitting here thinking same crap they were all about them.  Told me what I wanted to hear until either they got what they wanted or decided they couldn't handle the pressure and bailed. Even those two lied to me about why it was over.  One even cheated on me and lied..lol  Men seemed to forget women know everything you can't pull anything over their eyes.  He shouldn't of posted things that could be seen. That's a man no common sense.  They all get what's coming to them after they cheat or lie etc.  I am sitting back and waiting for one I know what is coming the other I don't know yet but can't wait for it to happen :-)

GOTCHA!!!!!

GOTCHA!!!!!
It has taken sometime but I finally got someone and got them good.  No I didn't have to do a thing.  Just give someone enough rope they hang themselves.  I really hate people who are cocky and think they are all that they can get away with anything.  Well not this time.  I really hope the person sees this! Several people were nice enough to copy your comments you've said and sent them to me.  And I can tell you if your boyfriend saw what you posted about my daughter you would be toast.  For he adores her whether he has told you that or not.  Plus she is an innocent child   Your boyfriend can tell you I will destroy anyone who hurts my daughter or talks about her. OH and I don't mean physically harm, there are legal ways to handle it.   You don't know me or her so what gives you the right to say the things you said. Plus PEOPLE IN GLASS HOUSES SHOULDN'T THROW STONES!!!!   You may put on a sweet and innocent act for him but the rest of the world sees you for who you really are.  He should only know what you are saying about him and doing behind his back!!  Oh and I hope he sees this so he knows what you are doing. Pick on someone your own size no better yet stop talking smack about others until you are perfect like God which will never happen. One more word about me or my daughter and you will be hearing from my lawyers.

WOW REALLY!!!!!

I really can't believe how blind some people are or how ignorant they are.  Plus I can't get over how people are willing to rat people out.  Lately I have gotten so much information on two people and generally I would not gloat or at this point even care!   I have to say though I am enjoying it a bit.  I know its not right, but it feels good to know someone is getting screwed...ROYALLY!!!!  Many people out there have one or more facebook or myspace page.  Most have it for the reasons to cheat or hide something.  I know some that have two because their pages get shut down by facebook due to their clubs etc.   If you are hiding pages what else are you hiding...hmmmm.  Well with one of the two people I know what they are hiding!  NOT COOL!!!!!! I hate people who are liars and cheaters plus about to hurt someone and talking trash about them on top of it. Makes me sick!!!  If you don't want the person then get out of the relationship.  I am big on this and will fight this only because of what recently happened to me.  I am no longer hurt or angry but the innocent need a voice.  The person from above that is being screwed ...well as much as I feel for them, they are getting what's coming to them.  They have been nothing but mean to their prior partners so the fact that its coming back to bit them is ...what comes around goes around.  You don't get to walk around thinking your are God's gift and break hearts and get away with it.  Sooner or later it catches up to you.  Now the person doing it to them...well what can I say..you are no better!!!  I want so much to tell people to stop filling me in or sending me stuff from their mystery pages but I can't.  I want to watch it unfold which I know is terrible.  Someone else's soon to be heart break shouldn't be amusing.  OH and that is other thing that gets me...you have a page you are doing wrong on but you invite friends from other page to be friends.  Do you think they aren't going to talk?  Come on its human nature for others to talk about someone else's Lying, Infidelity and Cheating Ways!!!

SPRING HAS SPRUNG!!!!

The weather here has been awesome.  Its amazing how the sun and warm weather can change your whole attitude and health.  I am out walking and enjoying the weather.  The last few days I have felt so much better the last time I felt this good was just before the cold weather came.  I should maybe think of relocating to a place that doesn't get so cold in the winter. Then again NYC is beautiful in winter even when they decorate for Christmas. 
I am just happy to be in a better frame of mind and feeling better.  Gosh the walking has already helped to start lowering my blood pressure.  The only bad thing about this time of year is the allergies and sinus headaches.  Hopefully they won't be so bad this year. 
We all do Spring cleaning in our homes and I am Spring cleaning my heart, head and soul. All the bad that has happened to me over the last few month...washing away.  All the anger, hurt and heartbreak a thing of the past!  Gooooooood bye to them!!  New season a new life! 
I am lining all my ducks up in a row to start my new life.  Thank God for my family and some really great friends to help me.   I will be in a new place over the summer and working my butt off to support Alexis and I.  I just can't wait for being in a new place will be the best thing for both of us.  I am looking into also looking to do blogging were you get paid.  I love expressing myself would love to do it on other topics.  Thinking of getting more involved in politics and other issues.  I see and hear about so many moms struggling and getting no help.   I don't know how but I want to give moms, dads and children a voice.  I am really excited about life!   

HE breaks up with YOU but YOUR NAME keeps coming out of HIS MOUTH!

Why is it the person that breaks up with you still talks of you.  If they were done with you and such why then still talk about you.  Now not saying its all good stuff but still even if its bad you are on their mind.  That is so funny!  Funny that the person is in another relationship but talking and talking about their ex.  Feel sorry for the person if they call that person's name out in bed! LOL But really why are they still talking about their ex?
People today just throw relationships away.  No one tries to work on things or when it gets to hard one runs.  Gosh if you misunderstood what your partner said ask them to clear it up, why feel like you are being abused or getting to much and run to the next thing that comes along.  Then you sit and wonder what did I just do.  So now you are in a relationship you just jumped into and now have no clue how to get out of it. For you talked a big game but not sure if its what you want.  The funnier part of it is the person you are with feels the same way..so you have two people faking hoping the other ends the miserable relationship.  Or you get the ones..oh I will fall in love with him\her sooner or later get married and soon find out they really hate the person and can't get a divorce fast enough.  So now you have a divorce on your record and for what, all because you just couldn't get your head out of your arse and end it like a real man or woman.  No lets wait for a blow up, crisis or affair and then end it.  UNBELIEVEABLE!
If you are going to continue to talk about the person then be sure you get the facts right, don't lie for it will come back to bit you in the arse.  FYI men most women save EVERYTHING so be careful!  Things in black and white seem to appear when you least expect it! :-)

NEED TO GET THIS OFF MY CHEST!!!!

When and what right does a woman have to step into a man's life when she KNOWS he is involved with another woman.  What happened to not going there and walking away?  What happened to not listening to his bs or contacting the woman to find out if they are over and done with.  Ok that may be asking for trouble but still.  I am SO SO MAD about this!!!  I really want to take those women and just have 5 minutes with them. I actually have one or two in mind I would love to have 5 minutes with. Man would I rip them a new one not with my hand with my words. I know many who would just haul off and beat the crap out of them. I love the power of words, works so much better! I think that any women who can't respect the laws of marriage or even a relationship and rips a couple apart really needs her butt kicked.  AND I AM TALKING ABOUT A VERY HAPPY MARRIAGE OR RELATIONSHIP!! JUST BECAUSE 2 PEOPLE ARE FIGHTING OR HAD A MISUNDERSTANDING GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO STEP IN!!!! Gosh they don't even give the couple the chance to work things out just step in an rips everyone's world apart.  Don't care if there is a child or children involved.  How low can they really go?  How do those women look in the mirror everyday?  Well usually they are not very good looking to start so probably don't look in the mirror to begin with.  Gosh I will need to go to church and confession after this but I feel good that i am getting it off my chest.   You can't find your own man TOUGH BUT BACK OFF OF OTHER WOMEN'S MEN!!!  

ST.PATRICK'S DAY

Happy St. Patrick's Day!  Wow I sometimes miss the days of going out and partying today.  My friends and I had such a blast.
No partying today just a nice day and going to spend most of it later with my daughter.  Its going to be a beautiful day so maybe go to the park have some lunch and just enjoy the day.  I have really started to put my life in order, I know what I want and going for it and have achieved some of it.  I am a good person who didn't deserve all she has gotten handed to her and continues to get handed to her. 
I have carried around a lot of anger and hurt for way to long.  In time you find the way to release it or something comes around to help ease it.  Or sometime the person you are angry at gets a taste of their own medicine. For me, I have really put my faith in God and to get me through things.  Sure at times I want to just put faith in my hands and slap someone or many. LOL  I love that some people think they are all that and better then everyone else but meanwhile they are getting screwed and don't know it.  If you take your head out of the clouds or better yet out of your arse you may see you are being taken for a ride.  I must admit I have been gloating just a bit for two people I know are about to get what is coming to them. As much as I don't want to gloat and know its wrong, a little part of me is.  Just because I deserve it just a little for all that they did to me in my life.  Sure when the pieces fall and they are miserable and such I will be there to help pick up the pieces if they call.  For I am still a true friend who always forgives but never forgets.  I may help you up but I am always watching my back to see if you are about to stab me again. 
Oh and I hate no dislike people who walk around saying they are a man or woman of God etc but meanwhile do even follow in God's way.  REALLY???? You can say you are Catholic or a man or woman of God but that doesn't give you a pass on following in the ways of the Lord...Oh and that includes going to church every Sunday not just the holidays.  PLEEEAASE!! Some people!

My Life as of Today, March 15,2010

Today its a rainy and cold day, has been all weekend.  So I took the weekend to relax, read and spend time with my daughter.  At times I had some me time while she played on the computer or watched a movie.
I have come to realize I have been worrying about everyone else and their happiness not mine.  I have been through so much in my life many ups and downs.  Lost many people in my life either to death or them just walking away or me pushing them away.  I know that many of my friends walked away for they don't like my daughter's father.  Can't say I blame them.  I miss some of them not all and hope in the next few months to try to reach out to them and work on our frienship. 
As weird as it will sound the best thing to happen to me was my recent heartbreak. That truly made me realize how I was trying to hard to make others happy and show them I cared and loved them.  While doing that I lost the rest of me that was left.  Sure when it was first over I had so much anger and wanted revenge but once that all settled I realized he did me a huge favor.  I spent so much time on the computer trying to talk to him even for just a few minutes. I wanted to be with him so much that I lost all sense of life.  Since then I have been working on myself and getting my life in order.  Thanks to my loving family I am getting there.  More importantly thanks to the support of my daughter.  She tells me everyday I can do anything I want and knows I will always be there for her.  She even told me that I am hot...ROTFL.  And if I bought this outfit we saw all the men would come running.  :-) I also have some amazing friends who have been there every step of the way.  They have played a big part in me finding me.  I used to be a sweet, friendly, caring person and all of that went many years ago.  Losing my husband really changed me as a person, I got very bitter and mad.  For it wasn't fair but today know that he did it to himself.  I am not to blame and should not feel quilty and no longer do.  Sure I knew in my heart my daughter's father was not the one and instead of saying...hey you can raise this baby on your own I stayed for her sake.  What a mistake!  She doesn't deserve this life, she deserves better.  So I am striving to give that to her.  I truly hope that someday I meet a great guy to be in our lives.  But for now I am just working on me and supporting her and I.  Sure its tough right now but I am doing all I can to get us to a better place.  I have depended on to many people to help me and none ever came through.  I am the Donna I used to be, not a 100% but getting there.  I want to be that person again for she was always happy, having fun and enjoying life.  I want my daughter to see that person, that is the mother she deserves to have.  Not one that is always sad, stressed,sick, worrying or angry. 
Heartbreak does stink and hurts like a heck but sometimes its an eye opener.  Sure there are times I think of it and him and smile.  He is a wonderful man and my daughter only sees him as that.  I am proud that I didn't show her the anger and hurt.  She adores this man and probably always will.  Hope that someday we can be friends so she could have a positive male role model in her life.  Being a single mom isn't a punishment like some see it. To me its powerful and amazing and I am not a single mom but a strong independent mom.  I am a mom reaching out in all different fields for success and will get it!  I will work hard and long to achieve my goals and give me daughter the life she deserves. 

*SIGH*

We go through life just hoping for all the best.  We hope to stay healthy, happy and safe.  Everyday when I pick up my daughter I stop in church to pray for my daughter, family, friends and so much more as well as myself.  In the last several months I have been working so hard to get myself better so I may achieve the goal of having a baby.  I want another so Alexis has a sibiling and know she has someone else in this world.  The more I get closer else comes up to stop me.  I had the man picked out then we fought and now not sure he will still do it.  Now medical issues have arose.  I am scheduled to have an mammogram and sonogram of breast.  Then to see a neurologist for the numbness in my arm.  It seems since I've had my gallbladder taken out, then told I had enlarged thyroid and high blood pressure all going wrong.  I question drs but I seem to be getting no where.  Its so hard to deal with plus I am all alone. Sure I have a loving mother and sister but can't bother them.  My sister works full time and has 3 children and my mom God Bless is 76 and has a lot of energy but she has her own medical issues going on right now.   I have some really great friends on Facebook but they too have families to tend to but there when I need them.    I had a really great guy in my life but I couldn't bare to drag him through all this.  So I had to tell him I had to much going on and couldn't give my all to the relationship.  He was so understanding but wants to still date for now.  Wish makes me feel better for he could of just go so nasty and such.  I have benn through so much in my life.  At 30 I lost my husband to massive heart attack.  Just a few months later my grandmother, then my father in law then year later my dad.  My dad was my hero and I really wish he was here.  I miss him so much lately.  I know he would be proud at me for being such a good mom.  I know he wouldn't be happy with the choices I made in the last several years.  I know he would want to see me and Alexis have better.  In the last few weeks I have really started to try and focus on that.  Its hard when you don't feel good and don't know why.  I have to find the way to get through it and get stronger.  I really hope I can get to the point of being in the best shape to have a baby if the man I picked is still interested.  I keep my faith in God to get me through, keep me safe, heathly and strong.

Stuff

The last few weeks and months have been very tough.  I have battled many medical issues and still do today.  I have been working so hard to get myself into shape to have another baby.  I know at soon to be 43 thinking of another baby.  Yes, I would love for Alexis to have a brother or sister. For when she gets older she has someone.  Sure she has my nieces and nephew but I would love for her to know what its like to have a brother or sister. Of course as time moves on I am now starting to think about adoption. I think why let some poor child out there not know what its like to have the love of a mother.  Having my own is not totally off the table, the next few weeks will get me to my final decision on that.  Then I my only problem is the male half of the process.  I did have a male person in mind and have asked.  Since asking him and I have part ways, well lets be honest he dumped me for someone esle.  That is totally ok, I just need him well need his men..LOL  I did ask him in a letter if he would still help me but have not heard back from him.  I will try again if I am able to proceed.  Only asking him for I know him and what his genes are made up of.  If he is not willing I will then have to figure things out.   Some would say find a man that you can be with.  Sure that is an answer and currently dating two men but not sure they are daddy material.  Not totally counting them out well actually now that I think of it. One is a No for sure don't think he will make it to another date but the other maybe.  Everyone tells me I should be in a relationship and enjoying life and as much as I agree not going to sweat it.   I am ok with enjoying life with Alexis but sure think down the road when she is ready to fly and be on her own then I am left alone.  That is a sad and lonely thought so I just keep hoping I will find someone.
 I recently had a break up.  It was awful, one of the worse things that happened to me.  The only things worse were my husband and dad passing away.  I have to get something off my chest to feel better.  I love this man with all my heart and soul.  I did all I could to make it work and at times was overbearing. Only because of my own insecurities.  When I didn't hear from him, yes I would worry and panic.  Guess that comes from the day my husband died, I called him for hours and couldn't get him.  Then on the way home from work my heart sunk to my stomach and knew something was horribly wrong.  So with this last man I would react to much and lost him.  I don't know if this man will read this but if so, I am very sorry that I was so over the top.  I just didn't want to lose you again.  I know I wasn't perfect nor were you.  I wasn't totally upfront and honest with you at first but then I poured my heart out to you. Told you things no one else knows for that is how much I loved and trusted you. You said to me after I poured my heart out, that is all I ever wanted from the being was honesty. I have been totally honest with you, but some where down the road you decided to no longer be honest.   I don't hate you, I wanted to so badly.  You will always have a special place in my heart for I still consider you a very good friend.  For we were friends before anything else.  I still pass by Dyker Park, smile and laugh about that night.
Once the break up came I had nothing nice to say about you at all!!! Expect when it came to Alexis, I never have and never will say anything mean about you to her. Nor do I have anything mean to say.  She really looks up to you and wouldn't make her pain worse.  For she still feeling it, she misses you very much.   In the last week I have reflected back on my actions and comments and I must say...I AM VERY SORRY!  I didn't mean the things I said but it was coming from hurt and anger. Will you ever forgive me, only you know that.  Do I want us to be friends again? Sure down the road, not now for its to soon and if you are willing. 
We all go through break ups, part of life.  One thing I have learned you can't hold a grudge, hold the anger or hurt.  You must find a way to release it, for it will only end up hurting you more, not  the other person especially if they have moved on.  The dumpee don't sit around trying to analyze what happened etc.  It will only make things worse, I did it and was ready to pull my hair out.  I then realized, sure I wasn't perfect but nor was he.  Remember you love someone set them free, if they come back they were always yours, if not they never were.   Words to live by for you can't make them come back, you can't sit and wait for them, go out live life and enjoy.  If they come back, you are single and want them back then GREAT!  If not the right person will come when the time is right, just be on your toes.  For everyone is on their best behavior the first for weeks\months of dating then the real them comes out and that could be a really great thing or a really BAD thing :-).  I dated a guy for about 2 weeks, things were great then all of a sudden he turned, started hitting on one of my friends, starting doing drugs, got violent (no didn't hit me just punched walls etc). One day quit his job, him & my friend left for Florida and she was pregnant. So you see you never know!