Sunday, February 28, 2010


I am so tired of so many people forgetting what it means to be in a relationship or married.  Its like today people just do it for all the wrong reasons.  I had a friend who got married because he got the girl pregnant and thought he loved her.  Mind you they were only dating about 6 or 8 weeks when they got married.  Well I just talked to him and the poor guy is miserable.  He said he should never of gotten married.  He didn't really know her and come to find out he wasn't in love with her.  He loves his child with all his heart but realized he could of still done that not being married to the mother. 
Why do people just jump the gun and get married.  Gosh I dated my husband 4 years before we got engaged plus we lived together to make sure it was right.  It was another 2 and half years before we got married.  I am so glad I did it that way.  With my daughter's father he proposed after 4 months I stupidly took the ring but then again this was after my husband dying and feeling so alone and empty.  Even then I didn't run down the aisle.  Heck we broke up more times I can count and only reason we stayed together was because I found out I was pregnant.  I thought I could fix things and we would be a happy family.  How wrong I was!!!  So today I am slowly getting myself to stand on my own to feet.  I am currently dating but not jumping into anything serious.  I have actually met a few people some I have know for years and some are new.  This time I am going to make sure its right especially now that I have Alexis.  Several months ago I thought I met the perfect man someone I had known but sadly didn't work out.  I was made to feel like it was my fault but come to find out days and weeks after he broke things off that he had been lying for months to me and my daughter.  Part of me was so so angry I was going to destroy him but since finding this blogging I have gotten so much of my chest. Plus thanks to many friends on Facebook they got me through it. Some new friends have been so kind as to send me so much information on the person along with pictures. I love this person for who there are on the inside, well wait the person they were on the inside 20 years ago.  The person they are today I don't know that person it was shocking to find out they acted the way they did.  I have said it in prior post and will say it again here.  The person is my friend and will always be there for them.  If they called me for help or need a friend to talk to I will always be there for them. I don't turn my back on friends even if I date them and it doesn't work out.  I believe things happen for a reason or it was ever meant to be or just not meant to be at the time.  I am so loving my life and hope that in the next few months I will be in a new place and just enjoying life.  Hopefully I will find the right man who will love me and Alexis and want to spend his life with us and enjoy life with us. 
Love is so special and great no one should ever rush into and worse no one should just get married because of a baby.  A baby doesn't changed thing nor make life better.  A child is a special gift from God and deserves only the best! 

Friday, February 19, 2010

Karma\What Comes Around Goes Around

So many people believe in Karma or what comes around goes around. I was raised not to go looking for pay back or revenge.  My parents both Catholics and raised us to follow our religious ways.  Sure I went off track for many years in my 20s till I 30s. I guess the passing of my husband made me reach back to God.  I dont' believe in seeking revenge. God teaches us to forgive and forget.  To love one another always even after we get hurt.  Forgive the person and love them.  I won't lie I don't always follow that.  I know I should be at times some people just hurt you so much you want revenge.  As much as I would want it never went out and did it.  Knew it was wrong to think it worse to act on it.
Like my life right now, my daughter's father is gosh I don't even know what to call him.  He hurts her over and over and want to hurt him for it.  Can't for I don't need to get arrested plus I need to be there for my daughter then lastly I know its not right in the eyes of God.  I want to know how someone can just keep letting such an innocent person down.  My "revenge" will be him paying me child support and palimony. 
NO child should ever get hurt by anyone and should never be told false informations or promises.  I have always said hurt my child and I will make you pay and pay dearly.  You never know when but you can bet i am coming for you!  
So recently I had someone hurt me and Alexis.  I was so out for revenge and such evil revenge. I was taking them down hard!  Well I never did it, I wrote a post that I planned on posting but by the time I was done, my anger was mostly gone. I came to my senses, plus the fact they have been a friend for a long time couldn't destroy them like that. More importantly not fair to Alexis to post such a thing.  Well so many people asked me how was I getting my revenge.  I told them I am not seeking any no matter how hurt I was.  Well if you just sit back, watch and wait eventually you get your revenge without even having to do anything.  That makes it a whole lot sweeter.  I am in the sit back and waiting mode, soon going to watch it all unfold.  Am I  sure its coming oh yeah 90% sure.  Am I gloating, actually no, its just satisfaction to know they are going to get what they gave me.  Also satisfacation knowing they are being treated or getting things done to them like they did to me.  Being told all the right things till the bomb drops.  Having your heart ripped out is bad but the way I got it and they are about to get it.  HURTS REAL BAD!  Why because you believe one thing then come to find out you were taken for a ride. In the end, this person I still care about and still a friend to me.  Yes I have forgave them but not forgetten just yet, to soon.   I am sure if the person read this they would be mad for in their minds its she is just mad and upset and making things up.  Well that is their right and opinion, until something happens.

Thursday, February 18, 2010


I recently had a picture come to my email of someone I know.  I must admit it was a shocker for the person in the picture used to be a handsome man, gosh I thought he was so hot!  Well I get this picture which is very recent and couldn't believe how he let himself go.  I know we all change as we get older but I strive on making sure I look my best.  Sure I let myself go for awhile do to being unhappy but in the last 2 years I have made major improvements.  I would love to look the way I did at 20 but not going to happen. But I am going to make sure I get as close as possible.  I know I am getting there for the men that wouldn't give me attention when I wanted it are looking to give it to me now.  But I really couldn't believe how much this person changed and let themselves go.
The other thing that bothers me is why is it okay for people to make others look bad.  I know someone who is with someone and their partner is not that into them.  The partner is telling the person I know they are into them but in the mean time talking to others.  Telling others they are free and flirting etc.  Even making a joke about how serious the person is and just playing games with them. Actually they are just hanging on to them just in case nothing better comes along. Why do people treat love and peoples hearts like the are worthless and have no feelings.  Worse part is this person i know has a huge heart, kind and caring.  I feel so bad for them, for when they get their heart broke its going to be a major blow.  I know for I recently went through a heart break.  I just hope they realize that they are the better person and pick themselves up to move on.  Sadly though I think it will be a while before it happens which by then the pain will be horrible.  I think people who play games should be hung by their toe nails.  I know heart break happens, gosh don't i know but don't think its right people play games.  How can you sit there and tell someone you love them etc but in the meantime you are flirting with others, telling them the person means nothing, just a toy or filling up space till something bettter comes along or the best one...they have some money that's what I'm in it for.  WHAT?!?!? REALLY?!?!  So I guess once they spend all the cash they will move on to the next one.  It sad for someone is putting their heart and soul into a relationship and the partner is just going along for the ride until time to get off.  I wish that the person wakes up before its to late or someone tells them.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

My Recent Heartbreak!!

Well I recently got my heart broken, I thought my life was over. No matter if you know the person 20 years or 20 days do you ever really know them. For days I cried, read emails or chats over and over. I mean 5 days before he apparently fell in love with someone else he was telling me he loved me and my daughter. Of course I could of came out swinging and made him look so bad but didn't because I am a better person. Plus I still love and care about him. WHY?? Because we have been friends for 20 years sure we haven't seen or talked in years but when we started talking in May in was like it was 20 years ago. Plus I can't make him love me or be with me. I know he loved me and my daughter and was planning to be with us. I just think things were getting tough and couldn't handle it on top of all the stuff he had going on. Sure I wish he has stayed by my side and helped me through custody battle etc but he didn't, water under the bridge. Let me also say I was not Miss Perfect I made a lot of mistakes! I put him through a lot and when he was still standing there I was like WOW this guy loves me and is awesome. I did everything I could to be there and help him. Made sure he had Christmas gifts for he was going to be alone and didn't get anything in return! Prior to that sent him another gift just because I loved him and want him to know I was thinking about him. Sent cards, my daughter send stuff so as much I was a not perfect I did make sure he knew he was loved. Had pictures made to put on my profile for I wanted the world to know how much I loved him. He saw some of them and loved them.
After a week of crying and screaming, I picked myself up brushed myself off and went on with life. Some things came across my email about things he was saying, questions him about them but got no response. Part of me wanted to just fight back with words etc but opted to take the higher road and be better then that. Of course the good person in me believes he didn't say of the things that were told to me. For I do know him well enough to believe he didn't say it. Some call me a fool, maybe I am.
Well its about week and half later and I must say, I am having a great life. I have met a guy who is very nice. As well I ran into an old friend of my late husband who is also very nice. They both understand what my situation is and ok with it as well willing to work around it. One even said if all works out with us will help me get through everything that is coming up.
Sadly for the ex he will end up with his heart broken. It may not happen right now but its going to happen. Not because I am praying for that, just know-period. I am not gloating as much as I would love to, I actually feel really bad for him. Gosh how much I wish I could just sit back and laugh about it but truly can't. I have tried, I am not that type of person or maybe its because I just went through the hurt and pain, its no fun. One thing about me that I love, I have never ever held any grudges or have hate for any of my exes. Most I have stayed friends with and love them dearly as a friend. They would do anything for me and vice-versa. As odd as this may sound, I keep this person in my prayers everyday. I pray that he doesn't get hurt and if\when he does that he gets through it and just makes him stronger. I pray that he stays healthy and safe for that is all I can do for him. For me, well he is still my friend, yes that's right. I don't throw friendships away as easily as some people do. He can call me a month from now and need help I would be there for him no questions asked.