Monday, July 26, 2010

Isn't life funny

Life is so funny at times.  Why is it the guy or girl gets it after the break up?  Then they want to bend over backwards for you.  Why didn't you do it when we were together?  Then the come back with the best line...I didn't know I had it so good till I lost it!  WHAT!?!?!?  Get lost!  This last guy couldn't of had it any better.  I learned from past mistakes and relationships and put 110% into this one.  I don't talk marriage to just any guy I date, this guy I did for I really thought that is where we end.  Then I got side swiped and things went a whole other way.  At first I thought its fine and all, then over the weekend the hurt, betrayal, etc hit like a ton of bricks.  My problems, I trust to quickly then get burned bad.  It stinks to get hurt like this again just 6 months after the last huge break up.  I don't think I have a heart anymore.  I know I love my daughter, my family and friends but men not anytime soon.  
I must say and can't believe I am saying it, he has been helping with some things for he has major contacts and agreed to still help me.  He really wants to see me be successful and be able to take care of my daughter.  It will be hard in the beginning but I can't walk away from this opportunity.  I need to take care of me and my daughter so yeah I need his contacts.  Part of me feels he owes me that much!  I know no one owes us anything relationship either make it or break it.  When its a break it you have to move on but at times we feel we deserve something even if its wrong.  I have cried and cried now I am done, I can't hold on to this like I did the last one.  The last one took about a month or two to get over and almost destroyed me and my life.  Not this time, I will think about it at times I am sure but just need to remember the fun we had while it lasted.  Plus this time I know that what went wrong, he is so busy with his career and trying to move up.  I am busying trying to get my career off the ground.  We didn't talk enough plus never had time for each other.  He took days off to do other things and not see me.  Or he wanted to see me but I didn't have the time etc.  Just went round and round and in the end we just kept getting either mad at each other, fighting or getting on each others nerves.    There was a lot that took place on his part the last few weeks, major that I couldn't over look.  He did things he knew I hated and could be a deal breaker.  He now is sorry and wants to make things right but its hard to look past some things.
I wish him all the best in his life and career.  Maybe some months down the road we can be friends.  For he may of did some stupid things but in the end he really is a great guy!  

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